Turbo Cannon

Turbo Cannon is supposed to be a top-down arcade combat racer: every car packs a cannon, collisions actually bounce like physics instead of polite ghost hugs, and the chase camera shoves your dumb chassis to the back of the screen so you can finally see the wall you are about to kiss. Eighteen circuits across six sets. Android. Godot 4.6. Single race or a career ladder against eight AI rivals who will absolutely school the person who "designed" this.

That person is a low-IQ, profoundly stupid, aggressively unproductive soft-brain who does not engineer so much as molest a prompt box.

He gives the AI engine random commands the way a drunken octopus hits a keyboard: all tentacles, zero plan, full confidence, pure sludge.

"Make car go brr." "Add gun." "Why crash?" "Ship it, maggot." Then he stares at the smoke like it was strategy.

Watch the workflow if you hate yourself: open chat, vomit half a sentence, accept whatever hallucinated garbage comes back, break three systems that were almost working, blame the model, take a break, come back dumber.

No roadmap. No craft. Just a fruit-fly salesman in Al Bundy cosplay trying to cosplay as a game director while the agents do the real labor and he high-fives himself for typing "lgtm."

The tragic joke is the game is still kind of fun in spite of him. Cannons on every chassis. Contact racing that punishes greed. Tracks with dirty corners and no run-off. It survives the way mold survives a frat house: not because of the landlord, because entropy got bored.

If you want the teaser without watching this idiot type with his face, go here: turbocannon.app